


enjoy your life (fate may not let you keep it)

by BlueIsh_YellowIsh



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Maybe HAppy ending, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Seizures, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, What Have I Done, im sorry?, oooooh, this has somehow morphed into a infinity war sad story, we’ll go with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-07-17 20:11:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16102931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueIsh_YellowIsh/pseuds/BlueIsh_YellowIsh
Summary: The truck came screaming towards him, Peter felt like he was a deer in headlights. He couldn’t move, he was frozen. Peters father yelled at him to move, get out of the way, anything. Peter felt himself flying through the air as his father yelled in agony.





	1. My Beautiful Son

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where Tony and Peter are Father and Son and Pepper the mom. They live on a farm and enjoy riding bikes frequently.
> 
> Hope yalls enjoy this, it was based on something that happens to my cousin years ago.

 

Peters smile was enough to make his day. Tony gave a grin back as they continued riding their bikes. It was now becoming a regular thing seeing how Pepper said they need to be outside more, but Tony didn’t mind, he got more time to spend with his son. As a child, Tony was resented by his father, constantly being put down, words hurting more than his actions. He was determined not to do the same for his Peter. Pepper and Tony loved him with all their hearts and put all their time into making him happy. Yet Peter was not even spoiled, he was an amazing kid.

He put his head in his shaking hands. Hands that we’re cover in crimson blood, Peter’s blood. Shoulders shaking Tony began to cry, deep and heavy sobs making his nose run and eyes puffy. Oh how easy it was for one to lose their life. Fate doesn’t take it easy for a small life of a child’s. Tony’s child.


	2. Deer in Headlights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An explanation behind chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all yalls kudos. Oof jeez so many hits. ;~;

Peter’s arm strained with effort as he pumped up his tire, his dad watching fondly from behind. “Jeez, pumping bike tires is too strenuous.” He sighed in relief after his work was done.

“And strenuous is a too big word for you little man,” his dad said as he ruffled Peter’s hair.

Peter pouted, arms crossing slightly over his chest. “Dad, I’m almost 15, my birthday is like, next week.” His father only grinned at him back.

“And the fact that your still 14 still makes you my little boy.” Peter only huffed in annoyance, a bit of his attitude showing through. “I love you ya know,” his dad said as he wrapped his larger arms around his son.

“I love you too dad.” Peter squeezed him back and enjoyed the warmth he felt from his father’s love; just being comforted by each other’s presence.

“Alright enough of that mushy stuff, we got bikes to ride.” His dad pulled away and grabbed his helmet from the floor. Peter couldn’t help but miss a bit of his warmth, a sickly feeling was settling in his stomach. It was like there were too many butterflies flying around in there and giving him the feeling of vomiting. Something was going to happen, he just knew it.

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break•-•-•-•-•-

Tony couldn’t help but feel amazing as the wind blew through us hair and over his face. He felt like he could fly when he rode this fast. Although there was much concern for his son who was holding back, and it wasn’t to Tony’s liking.

“You okay back there buddy?” He called out, yelling to make sure it was heard over the white noise of the wind.

Peter looked up after a few seconds, he looked lost in thought. “Uh yeah dad, just not feeling the greatest.” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“You wanna head home then buddy?”

“No, no it’s just, nothing,” Peter returned with a grin.

“Okay then bud, I’m gonna call mom to see what we’re eating tonight then.” They stopped at the side of the road, the sun beginning to set over their heads. Tony looked at Peter who was admiring the colors of the sky.

Tony’s finger pads hovered over the call button. He cursed under his breath, glaring at the no signal words at that top of his phone, he swore they were mocking him. With a sigh he pocketed his phone and turned back to Peter who was still marveled by the sun.

“We got no service,” he said disappointed.

Peter laughed, “Oh because we always have service out here,” he said sarcastically.

Tony laughed along with him, then looked up at the sky. The colors so beautiful it had to be fake. It was like a picture painted onto the sky, strokes of yellow, a touch of red and orange, then a dab of purple. The moon was chasing the sun setting and began to peak up over the horizon; stars lit up the sky and their brightness reflected on his son’s face. Peter’s face was full of wonder.

Tony hoped that his no service wouldn’t come to bite him back. Oh how wrong he was.

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break•-•-•-•-•-

After a few more minutes of aimless biking, they decide to head on back to the farm, dinner would be a surprise tonight. Little did they know that both of them would never make it home, or at least not for a while.

Peter sighed, breathed back in. Each thought focused on just drawing in oxygen into his lungs. His sick feeling had developed into nausea and he could no longer concentrate on any other thoughts.

“Heya buddy you wanna race back?” His dad smirked at him and Peter could not deny the challenge. He pushed down the nausea in his throat.

“Your on.” Peter began to race down the road, legs pumping harder, breathing faster, victory in sight. His dad slowly began to draw back. Peter smiled with pride, he was going to win.

Suddenly the air turned almost cold and the atmosphere around tensed. He looked behind him to see his father’s mouth opened up wide in warning, his expression unseen. Peter realized how far ahead he was biking, still looking behind him; Peter hit the breaks on his bike.

“No, Peter move!” His dad screamed. Peter was confused, but then he looked back forward and the sickly feeling returned to him.

Time seemed to slow down, a moment being stretched into a thousand. It was like he was a computer displaying the world as one frame per second. He looked into the dashboard of the trucks window - the one right in front of him going almost forty miles per hour - and saw the terrified look on his face. Peter couldn’t move, he was like a deer in headlights, absolutely frozen in place.

Pain exploded in his side as the world whirled into colors. They reminded him as the sun and sky as he flew through the air. Everything went black for a moment, but again he woke up and saw the world. It still moved in slow motion, he felt himself slowly sit up but everything felt weird. Almost if he was in a theater watching a person get up in shock. No sound met his ears first, but a familiar voice finally reached. His dad was coming up close to him talking to him but nothing came out of his mouth. Peter slowly moved his hand up, it felt like he was lifting ten pounds, moving through a heavy liquid. He could not really feel his hand but as he put it on his head, something was wrong. As he took his hand off it was covered in blood, deep, crimson, dripping. He thought his mouth was moving saying words but it was filled with cotton. Huh he bet it was the same cotton stuffed in his ears. His father’s face scared him and it was the last thing he saw along with the darkening sky behind him, pain again striked with full force and the world fell into sickening black.


	3. Saving Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony couldn’t believe his eyes. His son lay on the cold ground unmoving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments yalls. I added Steve to the story, which will be good... I think.

Tony was in disbelief, god no this couldn’t be happening. It was gonna be a prank, Peter sitting up joking with a mischievous grin on his face saying how it was all planned; to get back at Tony after his last prank. It would just be red paint dripping down his body, not blood, please it couldn’t be. But that wasn’t the case.

Tony was in a state of mind, not one coherent thought going through his head. Vision tunneled on the form of his son, his breathing rapid. Legs pounding on the gravel on the road, he ran to get to his son throwing the bike to the ground.

Step. Step. Ba dum. Step. Step. Ba dum. His heart beat, the only sound thundering in his ears. The other man - the one driving the truck, the one that rammed into Peter - almost leap out of the car, speeding toward where Peter lay. Tony may of said if few words but he couldn’t be sure, nothing in his world mattered but his son. Tony pushed the man away violently and he toppled to the ground, he wouldn’t let him touch Peter. No one could, not ever again. He fell roughly to his knees, hands fumbling around Peter’s neck, looking for a sign, anything. His hand was greeted with the soft beating of Peter’s heart. Tony’s mouth was moving hundreds of miles per hour but he really wasn’t positive with what he was saying. He knew he asked multiple times is Peter was okay.

The other man lifted his phone up to his ear, hand on his hip, neck muscles tensed. He cursed like a sailor about no service. Tony heard something like I’m gonna drive out a bit to get more service. Tony only nodded in shocked response but was secretly relieved, the man no longer would be close to Peter. Tony looked at his wounds and started to cry, breathing hitched. Blood ran in rivulets down Peter’s head, dripping on his closed eyes, crusting up his eyelashes. Bruises and cuts littered his limp body, he looked dead. That’s when Peter opened his eyes, Tony jumped up bombarding him with questions.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” he said mostly reassuring himself. “Look at me bud, eyes to eyes.”

“Dad?” Peter slurred and begun to cough blood staining his lips and flecks of it appearing on Tony’s shirt. “Wha, wha ‘appended.”

“It’s okay bud, just a little accident.” Could Tony even lie to him? He felt bad for doing so. “Your gonna be okay, absolutely fine.”

“You’ll take care of me right?” The childishness in his voice made Tony perk his head up, he hadn’t heard it in long time.

“Of course I will buddy, of course.” Tony couldn’t help it as more tears fell from his eyes, they traced lines on his face and dripped of his chin dropping onto another. In Tony’s hands held the face of his son, big brown eyes staring into his. Each orb held so much love for his father and most importantly trust. Peter trusted Tony to bring him home, keep him alive, keep him safe. There moment of comfort soon faded as Peter’s eyes began to roll back.

“No, No!” Tony said as he slightly slapped Peter’s face. “You can’t go now Peter, stay awake for me please,” Peter’s eyes drifted shut, in a whisper Tony spoke.

“I need you Pete, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

The man came back, told Tony that an ambulance was coming. He introduced himself as Steve, Steve Rogers. He asked if Tony needed any assistance but he quickly refused. He couldn’t let him hurt his Peter again. Glancing down at his son, fear bubbles inside of him as the situation only got worse.

Peter’s arm started thumping, up and off the ground only to smash right back into to it.

“What’s wrong Peter!” He exclaimed as Peter’s arm jumped. Only then, it paused for a second too long, and his body started quaking with convulsions. Arms lashed out with violence, legs kicking out under their own accord. His mouth make unintelligible noises, sounding like he was choking, blood and saliva frothed out of his mouth dripping on the ground. Tony tilted Peter’s head to the side. The man, Steve, took of his sweatshirt and placed it under Peter’s head. Blood began soaking its fabric turning it a deep red. Tony saw himself in the reflection of his son’s half open glassy eyes, half rolled up into his head. His own expression showing fear, fear for his son’s very life.

The convulsions kept going, Peter was suffering and moaning in pain, the shaking, jostling his injuries. Tony sat their unblinking, he could do nothing but wait, he had to wait for an ambulance. Waiting made him feel absolutely and completely useless. He said he’d keep Peter safe, but what could he do now?

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break-•-•-•-•-•-

Steve was holding out a timer, knuckles white under his strong grip. The kid had finally stopped seizing, it felt like it lasted forever. In reality it was for a brutally long 2 minutes. He hurt this kid, smashed into him, and he may take his life as well. Guilt welled up inside his chest, the hand at his side put up in a fist, nails piercing the inside of his hand in little bloody crescents. He looked up at the man kneeling at his son, he had introduced himself as Tony. From Tony’s panicked cries he guessed the boy’s name was Peter. He looked about 15, decently tall still growing. _Grow he cannot anymore, you killed him._  His minds voice overwhelming him with thoughts of death. When the kid started shaking, he swore his heart skipped a beat, he thought he was a goner. The father, Tony, had one hand gripping his son’s hand like a lifeline and his other against Peter’s neck, constantly making sure he was still alive. Tony’s breathing was shaky and the hand on the kid’s neck was filled with tremors. His head cocked toward him, and Steve braced himself for whatever anger would come out of him.

“You,” he said angrily, “You hit him.”

“God I’m sorry, I swear it was an accident,” he said remorsefully, he hoped it could be heard in his voice.

“I know it was, its just, it’s just, what if he’s gone and he dies and I never see his face again, his eyes open,” Tony’s voice began rising in volume, mouth moving quicker and quicker, “He’s my son, I can’t do it with out him and what will Pepper say, I killed her son, her beloved son, she’ll kill me and I’ll just drown in regret and sadness because, becau-.” He was interrupted by the sound of a siren. Tony’s head twisted to the side at inhuman speed. Steve jumped up and waved down the ambulance, Tony refused to leave Peter’s side. People began climbing out the truck, running toward Peter’s form. Others began to get out a gurney.

“Sir, please step away from him,” a women said. Tony who keep siting, would not move or even acknowledge her, it wasn’t that he was ignoring them, he just didn’t know she was there. She called over another man who began dragging Tony away. Steve knew he couldn’t do anything, Tony only mumbled a few no’s and barely fought back. The responders gently rolled Peter onto the gurney and began carrying him away. Time was of the essence to save his life, the responders yelled about things like an oxygen mask or hypovolemic shock. The words meant nothing to Steve but Tony knew, he winced as every word came out of their mouth. Steve’s eyes were just able to see inside the ambulance and saw Peter. He looked so small and lifeless in the commotion of the ambulance. Responders doing everything they ever could to keep him alive. Doors shut and wheels a turning, the ambulance sped off to the hospital, luckily only a few minutes away.

“Mr. Stark,” he said cautiously,”I can take you to the hospital if you would like.” Tony looked up at him and then back down. With a groan he picked himself off the ground, taking Steve’s hand when it was offered to him. Steve knew he was in shock, no words escaping his mouth. Arm over shoulder, Steve let a stumbling Tony to his truck. He plopped him into the passenger seat and then walked around the car to the driver’s seat, eyeing Tony as his fingers struggled to buckle himself up. Steve sat down with a sigh and started up the car, it’s engine gurgling till it started. As they drove to the hospital, Steve could help but notice Tony’s line of vision.

He was glancing, eyes wide at the blood splatter on the front of the car, the stain not only there, but partly on the windshield window in front of his face.

The guilt in Steve’s heart returned.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating this weekend bc I got lots of time on my hands.


	4. Forgive Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pepper is now here. Yay.

Life passed by like a movie, scenes appearing every time he could see again. His father’s terrified face and another’s guilty one behind him. People he didn’t recognize placing something over his face. Knives in a mans hand, skeptically looking at him, his beard reminding him strangely like his father. “ _God, hold this kid do-“_

“ _Careful he’s strong, sead-_ “

“You’ll be fine kid,” Someone said as darkness surrounded him. It was the man with the knives from earlier. “I’ll keep you alive.”

The man’s head turned sharply to the side and yelled words out, funny, Peter couldn’t hear it over the shrilling sound in the background.

It was the sound of flat lining. Vision then went dark.

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break•-•-•-•-•-

The quiet music of the radio filled in the awkward silence between the two men. Tony had not spared a glance toward Steve since they first entered to car. Although it wasn’t the same for Steve. His eyes would look at Tony, scan him over for a quick second and then turn his vision back to the road. Steve obviously didn’t want him to notice but Tony knew, he could almost feel his stare on his back.

The nearest town was seen in the distance, as was the hospital, it was the only thing Tony really saw. His anxiety spiked even higher as they got closer and as they began to park. Tony unbuckled himself and then slowly opened up the door. Steve’s blue eyes met his as they made there way to the entrance, they contained only guilt. Front desk questions, and a bit of walking and elevators, the two men were then met by a doctor.

“Mr. Stark I assume,” Tony and him shook hands. “And who may you be?” He said gesturing to Steve.

“I’m, I’m the-,” he was cut of by Tony.

“He’s, a friend.” Steve spared a surprised glance at him. Tony internally kicked himself, why was he defending this man. He was torn between the problem, he wanted to kill Steve for what he did, but it was also a pure accident.

“Ok then,” the doctor replied,”Your son, Peter is currently in surgery, he flatlined once,” Tony felt his knees go weak at that,”But thankfully he survived, he has internal bleeding, which is what the surgery is for, after that his bones will be set and his face patched up.” The doctor saying this all in a casual tone, Tony didn’t doubt him, he had probably told people about such harsh injuries many times before.

“Your son is very lucky, he’s in not such bad shape. The surgery will be for a few more hours so be welcome to sit in the waiting room. The surgeon will come around later to give a full injury diagnosis.” The doctor walked away looking at papers and Tony sat numbly down a waiting chair face dressed in a grimace.

Pulling out his phone, he realized Pepper was not yet aware of the situation. His fingers pressed the call button and he held the phone to his ear. Tony has no idea what he would say, what would Pepper think? In a few rings Peppers panicked voice met his ears.

“Tony, Tony is that you!” Tony took a heavy breath in.

“Honey I-“ She cut him off.

“Tony, I heard, the hospital called me, I’m on my way now.” His breathing was the only thing heard in his cotton stuffed ears, she already knew.

“Pepper I’m,” He broke down in tears, “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I, I-,” he stuttered as he spoke. “Its all my fault, I almost killed him, oh God what if he died, Pepper, I told him to race me, and he, he sped ahead and I saw the truck coming and I couldn’t do anything but I should of done something and, and,” Tears continued to poor down his face. He again felt Steve’s gaze on his back.

“Oh Tony,” He heard her voice twice, one on the phone and the other voice from in front of him. He shakily rose his head, his bloodshot tear filled eyes meeting her beautiful blue ones. Tear tracks also covered her face. Nothing matter as he ran up and hugged her. Arms snaking around her little form, squeezing hard like if he ever let go she would disappear. Tony heard her begin to break down and the two of them fell on their knees crying.

Steve felt a little awkward watching the couple crying on the ground, he wanted to slam his head on something for hurting this poor family, nothing like this should of ever happened to them. His head rested in his hands, they hid the water coming from his eyes. Tony and his wife had collected themselves and sat on the chairs across from him. The woman, Pepper noticed the tension in the air.

“Um, hello sir, who are you?” she spoke, her voice cutting through the air like butter. Tony’s head shot up and stared at him. His mouth opened up and Steve began talking before Tony could defend him again.

“Uh ma’am, I’m, I, I was, the man who ahh, hit your son.” Steve looked back down in shame. Anger filled the room like waves of fire.

“You were the one,” she yelled as she stood up. Tony immediately doing the same almost holding her back.

“Honey, it was an accident, it was dark out and he couldn’t see Peter.” Tony said, but Steve could just hear the strain in his voice, as if he were forcing out the words. Pepper’s eyes looked so dark they were almost orange, her anger seemed to heat up the small room. Tony alarmed, picked up her hand and placed it on his own. He mumbled a few words and she calmed instantly.

“Goodness, I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to get so angry, it’s just,” she cut her self off, “Never mind, I’m Pepper, Tony’s wife,” she said holding out a hand.

“Steve Rogers,” he said shaking her hand.

“I understand it was an accident, I’m just sorry it had to be this way.”

“Yeah, me too,” Steve returned. All of them took a seat and the room went to silence; Pepper’s hand inside of Tony’s, their faces both of worry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u enjoy, not overly thrilled about how I did this chapter but u know what that’s fine. Thanks yalls for comments and kudos! <3 ;~;


	5. Holographic World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is starting to lose it under the pressure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello? Dr Strange is that you? Yes yes yes, ma boy Stephen has joined the Fanfic party. It was a idea to add him by my best fwend Avarla18.

Steps came echoing through the hallway, Tony looked up, Pepper next to him did as well. He assumed that this was indeed the surgeon because of the way he was dressed. The man’s gray beard was well trimmed, his mouth was twisted in slight concern as he raised his head.

“Hello, I am Doctor Stephen Strange, you two must be his parents correct?”

The doctor had ignored Steve but did notice him. “Uh, Yeah, I’m Tony Stark and this is my wife, Pepper.” He said. The doctor then looked at his notes and lazily gestured toward Steve as if asking who he was. “Oh and that’s Steve, Rogers, he’s a,” Tony again hesitated sparing a minute look at Steve. “ He’s a friend.”

Doctor Strange just nodded in mute response still engrossed in his notes. “Sooo,” he started, “Your son was not in the greatest of states but he survived surgery.”

The three of them only kept silent knowing it would only get worse. “So about the juicy stuff,” Strange said causally. He did not notice the slight wince of Tony, and his eyes closing for a second too long. Tony did indeed know a thing or two about juicy stuff. Looking down at his hands, he saw the redness over his skin, stained from the blood that refused to come off his them. “He has a severe concussion, so short term memory will be a little off for a while, his ulna bone is broken along with three more ribs, another two are fractured.” Tony tried to take it all in with no expression on his face, but even Pepper, the strongest person he knew, could not keep a straight face, her face twisted in a grimace. The Doctor continued, “Internal bleeding was only moderate, it was taken care of with out losing too much blood. He is currently in a medically induced coma to let him rest for a while and so he won’t panic when he wakes up.” With a dismissing face the doctor brought the three over to Peter’s room. His breathing began to pick up faster each step closer to the room. A loud beep rang out from the PA calling Dr. Strange down to the ER, with a wave he walked himself out. The beep was like a light cutting through the fog of Tony’s mind, it made him flinch and cover his ears. Pepper noticed his discomfort and turned to him asking if he was okay.

“Always,” He said. Pepper raised an eyebrow, then turned back to the room where they began to walk inside. His vision was blurring slightly, black creeping around the edges of his vision. Inside the room was Peter, and the panic in him burst out.

He had to get out of the room, walls tipping in around him, knees weak, he stumbled outside, no one in the hall could be seen. His chest felt compressed inward coldness seeping into his body from his very soul, it tingled around him and the ice settled into a ball in his heart. Until it turned into panic and no oxygen could be brought into his mouth, he was falling in a deep never ending hole, darkness seeping in, like the dark spots dancing in his vision. His stomach dropped but the feeling wouldn’t leave him, he was on an everlasting roller coaster, the coaster of life. And life was running him off a cliff, and his hands gripped the ledge, hands bloody and scraped trying to pull himself up from nothingness. In the deep darkness he saw Peter, again, over and over again he was hit by the truck; each time there was more blood spattering, his neck continuously snapping, the image playing over and over again like tape on constant repeat in his head. Peter’s blood was everywhere and the blood rose up surrounding him filling up his mouth and he couldn’t breathe, he just couldn’t at all, he couldn’t see, with a last breath an ear splitting scream of anguish spewed out of his mouth.

_(The hologram world freezes around you. You try to say a word to your friend in the wall but your voice is too raw to speak, your throat is burning in pain. Shaky hands bring the glasses up to your face, you have to see the end of this world you’re looking at, all through lenses, to see the life you made all the way through to the end. The world resumes around you, the familiar pain in your head returns, a woman is in your vision, her hand on your face.)_

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break•-•-•-•-•-

Pepper felt shock flow through as she saw her son laying still on the hospital mattress. Wires and needles connected to his arm, the thin white sheets put up to his torso, a ventilator down his throat, chest moving mechanically up and down. Tony made a stifled gasp behind her and she heard heavy steps behind her out the door. Her eyes were locked on her son, with slow steps she made her was to his side, her hand reaching to hold his slightly bigger one. Pepper’s head flicked to the side remembering Tony’s quick exit, she glanced at Steve who met her eyes, he nodded and though what had happened earlier, she trusted him to watch over Peter. Rushing out of the room she knelt down on her knees seeing Tony on the floor. Tears streamed down his face, strangled noises coming out of his mouth. Arms cringing around as if trying to protect himself. Hesitantly her hand snaked out to touch his shoulder. She jumped back when he cried out as in pain, flinching away from her touch.

“It’s okay Tony, breathe, follow my voice and my breath.”

“No, no, nonononono,” Tony said. He would moan and then take a strangled gasp of breath in that would clip off at the end, he couldn’t take any oxygen in. Then his breath stopped all together and his face morphed into absolute terror. A blood curdling scream wrenched out of his mouth. Hands were pulling at his hair, gripping it, almost pulling out chunks of his brown locks.

“Tony, Tony, come on, please,” she kept calling his name till his glazed eyes met hers. “Look at me, Tony you gotta breathe,” she breathed heavily, teaching Tony how to breathe as slowly as her. Slow inhaling and exhaling. She kept at it until Tony’s breath evened out and matched hers. It felt like the attack lasted like hours; it was the worst one he had in a while. Tony’s anxiety had gotten worse during the past few months but Pepper was there for him. She understood why it was so bad this time; after the stress of his day and what he went through. Pepper wouldn’t know what she would do in a situation like that. Tony’s head was buried under her shoulder, the fabric there now soaked tears. Pepper felt like crying with him. Steve’s head poked out of the doorway, eyes widening after looking at the state of the couple.

“Uh,” he stuttered, “Um, ah, Peter’s awake.” Tony who seemed almost catatonic, was the first to react, getting quickly to his feet barely hiding his dizzy stumbling and entered the room. Pepper was close behind, and Steve, he drew back a bit to let the family have their moment.

_(You gasp looking at the vision from the glasses. He is awake, his face turns to you and you can barely hold a whimper. The innocent face you haven’t seen in so long was in front of you. Hands reach out as you wish to touch him, they go straight through him. Sighing slightly to realize that you cannot, the world beyond you resumes. Your world has been broken, lives torn in half, and it was all your fault.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh? I wonder what the italics mean?


	6. Life and Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wakes for the first time. 
> 
>  
> 
> Steve has a conversation with a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my good friends, the story will be soon coming to a close. Sadly. I’m glad you guys are enjoying this though!

He regained consciousness, eyes blinking slowly. Sounds were heard first, each one registered separately. The soft breathing of a bigger person, and the thumping was most likely the tapping of their foot. The bed he was on was unfamiliar, as his eyes began to adjust to the light he saw that the sheets were white, they were, hospital sheets? His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, what was he doing in a hospital. Thoughts spun in his fuzzy head, when he tried lifting it, it felt like carrying hundreds of pounds. His limbs barely even responded to him at all, eyes trailing over his body, he almost gasped looking at the rough shape he was in. Bandages covered his form and his arm was in a cast. Trembling hands reached up to his forehead, feeling around, touching soft bandages across his head. Pain shot through him and he winced, sitting up he finally got a good look at the man in the chair. The man saw him awake and stood up almost knocking over the chair.

“Peter,” was the only word that came out of his mouth. His memory failed him, the man’s face not someone he recognized. Where was everyone, his family?

Pain spiked again in Peter’s head. He saw the man again but in a short flash across his eyes. He remembered his face, but in a bad way. The same blue eyes and blonde hair, the same regretful look, he saw it as the man stood in front of him, and he saw it as the vehicle he was driving ran into him. Memories flooded into his head after that, but only quick flashes. He was on the ground, his vision dark, his father screaming at him but no sound, the people around him saying words, fiddling with him and placing something over his mouth. The blonde man ran out of the room calling out into the hallway. Inside stepped in a tired looking man and a tear stricken woman. His dad and mom froze looking at Peter, he too was in shock. With large strides his father made it to his bedside and his long arms stretched around and held his form. His mom came behind embracing them both. Peter felt tears sprout of of his eyes once again feeling the warmth of a hug. Through watery vision, the blonde man slowly walked out of the room, looking down with shame.

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break•-•-•-•-•-

Steve felt like crying as he watched the small family lock on to each other, never letting go. He exited the room with quiet steps, the boy watching him with teary eyes. He wandered the halls of the hospital, low sounds of a television and coughing met his ears. He didn’t know where he was headed, he ended up in a foyer with other patients and visitors. He placed his forehand in one of his hands with a deep sigh. The man in the chair by Steve eyed him.

“Something happened?” His low voice spoke out. Steve brought his head up observing the other man. Piercing blue eyes studied him as well, long deep brown hair covered half of his face.

“Yeah, something did,” Steve mumbled back. He extended his hand out, “Im Steve Rogers.”

“James Barnes,” he said returning the hand shake. As he leaned forward the blanket on his left shoulder fell off revealing what was there. Or actually, what wasn’t. Thick white bandages covered the stub of his left arm. James seemed to notice the surprised look on his face, he chuckled almost darkly, “Yup, that’s why I’m here,” he glanced longingly at the place where his arm was missing, “Amputation.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve mumbled.

“It’s no problem, it’s just life,” James sighed. “So what are you here for?”

“I ah, I,” Steve stumbled over his words debating if he should tell the truth or not. “I, hit a kid, with my truck,”

“Oh,” James paused a mixture of emotions crossing his face, “Is the kid good?”

“Yeah, I left him earlier to spend time with his parents,” Steve said, “I feel really bad.”

Steve and James’ eyes met, silence passing for a few minutes. Finally James spoke again, “There was an older woman here a bit ago, we had a good conversation, she was very sweet and very bald, though, she was wise, very wise.” Steve tuned in, interested in what he was saying, “She told me a few positive words and told me something to remember.”

“What was that?” Steve said.

“We don’t get to choose our time,” James closed his eyes words flowing from his being, “Death is what gives life meaning. To know your days are numbered. Your time is short.”

“Wow,” Steve was amazed, “That was deep.”

“I know, it took me awhile to figure out what it means.” His eyes opened once again and they pointed toward Steve. “After all that’s happened to me, and the fact that I’m still alive means that my life still has a purpose. The old woman said that you don’t get to choose your time.” A long sigh blew out of his mouth. “We should enjoy life, fate may not let you keep it.”

“Yeah, we should,” Steve said, the words struck him in his heart. They would forever stick with him. The two men then sat in silence, comfortable with each other’s presence.

  
_(Your surprised because you no longer were following yourself. Instead you followed the other. The other walked up to another man and they spoke in low tones about what happened. You watch in interest, this must be important if your mind is leading you this way. A few words stuck out of the conversation. You remember that your mother would say them.)_

_(Enjoy your life, fate may not let you keep it)_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics person? Still confused, it will make sense eventually.


	7. Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is revealed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop, I have done a bad thing. Infinity war has scarred me, so I write fics about my sadness. Oof.

The road to recovery was easy as anyone would expect. But his dad always told Peter that he always quickly healed. His dad had introduced him to the man, Steve. Peter knew it was him who caused the accident, but Peter had no feelings of hate toward him, it was more forgiveness than anything else.

After a good few weeks Peter was released from the hospital, the red cast was still on his arm and was covered in encouraging messages from friends. Once they returned home, Peter took in the the soothing smell of his house. Arms wrapped around him, looking up he saw his parents, smiles on their faces. Peter could only grin back, it had been awhile since he saw them smile. His father had made a new friend as well, Steve frequently visited to check on Peter and talk with his parents. He also brought his friend who he called Bucky, Peter was always interested in the prosthetic on his arm.

Although, Something was almost always off, he felt more restrained after the accident. His father would always keep a close eye on Peter, he was treated like a fragile object, as if with one touch he would break. Sometimes he thought the truly fragile person was his father. Peter pretended like he never saw the nightmarish look in his dad’s eyes on late mornings, he pretended not to see his shaking hands or dark eye bags, he pretended not to hear the soft cries at midnight of a man plagued by fear. His father lied, saying he was perfectly fine, grinning with a too big smile. Days passed by like this, his father suffering and his mother hurting from being unable to help him. And Peter watching from behind the scenes, studying the people in his life.

It was a Saturday morning when it all changed. Bucky and Steve were over for some friendly time together, all five of them sat comfortably at a round table playing uno. Peter was humming to himself staring at the deck in his hands, his hands, they began to fade into gray ashes. Yelling rang out around his ears, in his graying vision people morphed around him, Steve and Bucky began to change and his mom also was fading. His dad seemed unaffected by the changing environment. Half his body had faded now, what was going on? Thoughts and questions raced through his head til all of a sudden his train of thought-

Stopped.

He was gone.

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break•-•-•-•-•-

_(You see figures morphing around you. It reminded you of what had happened, how your life was changed forever. You don’t want to remember this, it’s taboo for your mind, the thought of it makes you almost break down in tears. You want to forget, drown all your sorrows away, but life isn’t so forgiving. You are attacked from all sides from friends, family fades away around you and through the vision of your glasses, the world you worked so hard to make disappears, into nothingness._

_You are Tony Stark, and you are broken.)_

Tony wants to scream, ask it to stop. After the Civil War, he couldn’t bear the thought of Remembering.

And Thanos and his snap, and half of the universe away to nothingness.

_When I’m done half of humanity will still exist._

The phantom pain of being stabbed still aches in his side.

_Perfectly balanced, like all things should be._

Remembering also could be a form of recovery, facing what he dreaded so much. The B.A.R.F. glasses, he placed them over his eyes and let his mind heal him from his trauma.

Tony lived in a fantasy, one in which the craziness in his life didn’t occur. Everything was they way he wished it would be. A world that existed in holograms of blue, outside his own world filled with sullen hope and broken dreams. But this world in between worlds was flawed, it was poisoned by the dark depths of his mind. It’s foundation broke even while under Tony’s sharp gaze. It was his fault for the destruction of his fantasy, his inability to sustain a family.

They faded in gray ashes, Peter’s eyes full of fear and pain.

_I don’t want to go._

Pepper, his love, falling to her knees, arms reaching to catch herself, but her hands were already gone.

The two men in front grew taller and larger. Steve’s eyes filled with malice and hate. His clothes turned into the Captain America suit, a shield forming into his hand.

Bucky’s eyes were cold and clear, a striking blue. His prosthetic morphed into metal, the familiar red star glowing a crimson red. Deep growls rang out, snarls of madness and anger. Bucky kicked Tony to the ground, metal arm slicing across his face. He was on the cold ground, his kitchen was now a bunker frozen in ice. Shivers racked his frame as he layed in shock. Steve’s eyes were almost red as he roared and howled, and his father’s shield came down onto him. Tony felt the shield break skin and bone, no armor protected him this time. Pain was unexplainable, it hurt like he was dying, blood poured out and only dark smiles were seen, blood dropped down Steve’s shield and face. Evil laughter and giggles escaped Steve’s mouth. And Tony couldn’t breathe. Everything was going wrong and he could get not oxygen in.

_He’s my friend._

_So was I._

He screamed loud til his throat went raw.

Dark hands entered his vision, swimming cleanly through the holograms, they reached out touching his tear stricken, fear frozen face. With a jolt to his brain, the glasses were gently taken off. Someone was telling him to breathe, but panic refused to let him.

Tony eyes rolled up into his head, and he fell into Rhodey’s waiting arms.

_You have my respect Stark._

_I hope they remember you._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, do u understand now?  
> So ima thinking that next chapter will be an epilogue ish thing. Also explanation.


	8. Believe Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The BARF glasses prove to be less helpful then what was thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha! I’m here! Oof I haven’t updated in awhile. ;~; But the story is coming to a close. One more chapter planned. Hopefully an update tomorrow (maybe) Hope you enjoy!

Rhodey was worried about many things, but today his mind was on Tony. He was anxious, tired and always worried after what had happened. It was first the “Civil War” than Thanos and everyone disappearing, Rhodey felt like he might lose it. Tony had made it back to earth with another alien, he was beat up and broken, for once no words left his mouth. Only small mumbles about those who were lost.

When he discovered Pepper was gone, Tony only nodded solemnly, as if it was the inevitable. Rhodey could not leave him alone after, he heard him crying by himself. Tony barely would speak, he didn’t openly give hate to the Rouge Avengers, he just accepted their presence in the Avengers Compound. Depression set in like a fog over the building, the fog rested heavily on their heads, like clouds that weighed them down instead of bringing them up.

Rhodey felt as if he could cut through the tension with a knife. They would sit in the kitchen for breakfast, Tony sitting farthest from every other soul in that room. Silence was interrupted by the start of the low humming of the refrigerator, Rhodey noticed Tony’s minute flinch, and watched as he stumbled back to his workshop. He was holding just a mug of coffee, he hadn’t eaten anything.

Tony was like a ghost these days. Only being seen in glimpses, through room windows, or the occasional coffee grab. Not only did he seem like he was disappearing, but he acted the same way. Always lost in thought, any questions would be returned with one word, or not one at all.

It was because he couldn’t hear it what they were saying. His mind shunning everything.

It all became clear to Rhodey, when he decided enough was enough. The doors of Tony’s workshop flew open in dramatic effect, Rhodey walked steadily in calling his friends name.

“Tony, Where are you?” Worry filtered into his voice. His eyes traced the room around, they drew toward the blue color in the corner. Shock filled up to the brim after seeing the scene in front of him. Whimpering sounds reached his ears, the person it was coming from was hunched up on the floor. Tony’s legs were clenched up against his torso. Trembling hands wrapped around them, his face was one of terror, glasses over his glazed eyes. The hologram in which Rhodey saw was of the fight between Steve and Tony.

Only it was ten times worse, each punch to hologram Tony made Tony flinch, the sight of blood made him whimper. Rhodey’s shock had not left his system, and his feet felt as if they were nailed to the ground. Stev- Rogers and that, soldier, was pummeling Tony, blood streaming out of countless wounds. It only got worse as he realized Tony was without his suit, and with absolutely no remorse, Steve bashed the shield into Tony’s chest. The shock holding him in place left him like an adrenaline crash. Rhodey dropped to his knees and his hands reached out to take of the glasses.

He really hated those glasses now.

Tony’s form shuddered violently as he took them of. The holograms faded, and Rhodey was glad. His friend’s eyes rolled back into his head and he fell into Rhodey’s arms. Now that Tony was right in front of him he saw the bruise like bags under his eyes, his skin was paler than his once tan self. Rhodey held back tears after they began prickling his eyes, he would remain strong for his friend.

“Friday?”

“Yes Colonel Rhodes?”

“Would you call,” he hesitated for a few seconds, “Call Steve here, I can’t carry Tony on my own.”

“Very welll Colonel, Captain Rogers is making his way to the workshop.”

Rhodey sighed, a lot of explaining would be needed.

-•-•-•-•-•Line Break•-•-•-•-•-

Tony’s comforting haze of unconsciousness was interrupted by a hard spike of pain in his head. It cut through the fog and he had no choice by to swim into consciousness. He opened his eyes to find himself on his bed. How he got here he didn’t know. Sitting up proved to be more difficult then he wished. His limbs refused to collaborate in any way. Tony’s head began throbbing in intense pain, and his hand immediately clutched his head in attempted comfort. Memories flooded into his brain and then the headache made sense. It was pain from using the BARF, he felt tired yet after sleeping for hours.

“Hi Tony,” Rhodey said.

Tony whipped around his head, wincing from the pain. He couldn’t help but clench his hands into fists, as a way of defense. “Oh, ah, hi Rhodey.”

“You okay?” Rhodey picked himself up onto his bed.

“Yeah.”

Silence was between both of them, Tony opened his mouth a few times but he couldn’t say anything. Rhodey finally beat him to it. “Tony, what was that?”

“What was what Platypus?” He tried to lie.

“You call me Platypus every time you lie,” Tony sighed internally, he knew that. “I saw what happened, but, my question is, why?”

Tony racked his head for a quick white lie answer, but he knew the truth would come out anyways, lying was pointless. “Rhodey, I’m me and you’re you, and so we have different ways of coping with, trauma,” Rhodey looked down. Tony continued, “I, even though people may not think it, I, feel so guilty, he died in my arms Rhodey, and Pepper, she was alone.” Tears openly were streaming down Tony’s face. “I gotta fix this, but I don’t know how.”

“Then why don’t we figure it out then, we have Wakanda, the other Avengers.” Rhodey took his hand and held it with firm reassurance. “We will fix all of this together, believe me.”

And Tony believed him.

 

 

 


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooof. I said I’d update yesterday. (Yeet) Well here it is! I hope you enjoy!

The slight breeze, ruffled Tony’s hair. The wind brushed its hands across his face. He took in one big breath, taking in the salty smell. He blew it out slowly in content. A small hand weaved it’s way in between his fingers. He held the hand back tightly and looked down at the figure embracing him. Red hair shown bright in the setting of the sun, Pepper’s face was one of love and pride. Giggling and laughing was a background sound and Tony couldn’t help but have happiness in his heart at the scene in front of him.

His closest friends together, enjoying each other’s presence. They were all at the beach. Steve, Bucky and Sam played frisbee. Natasha and Clint lying down on the warm sand. The Avengers playing various activities all together made him feel happy. But his eyes were more focused on something else. May sat on a picnic blanket reading a book and there was Peter, alive and well, his smile beaming from ear to ear. But who Peter was with Tony cared mostly about. Contagious laughter rang out, the little girl with Peter was a ray of sunshine lighting Tony’s life. Pepper’s eyes met his and she kissed him on his head, her hand ran through his now grey hair. His daughter ran up to him, she had big brown eyes that Pepper believed were her father’s. Tony had to agree, she looked like him. Her arms stretched outward toward him, asking for him to pick her up. Pepper glanced worriedly at him as he grimaced. He bent down with a slight ache in his back, his right arm wrapped around her tiny form and under her armpits. Pepper assisted with setting her comfortably between his right arm and his body. Tony’s gaze shifted over to his left, he sighed slowly, the memory showed itself again.

_With a big yell the titan swung his sword barely missing Tony, luckily his suit’s maneuverability allowed him to dodge so swiftly. Thanos wasn’t intending to kill the heroes last time he arrived, but this time, he wouldn’t make the same mistake. Though it wasn’t wanted, they fought in Wakanda once again, their warriors well equipped for a war such as this one. Still lives were lost, their numbers dropping like dominos as they were slain by the titan’s sword. Thanos was making his way to Tony, and the other avengers held him back with brutal force. Thor came down with his axe and lightning rained onto Thanos littering the ground with explosions. His sword glowed yellow once again and the mind stone on it renewed his energy instantly, the avengers winced at the mind stones power, it was willing them to fall under Thanos’ will. They all refused to be controlled. Slowly the titan continued his slow descent to Tony. His eyes met Steve’s, they both nodded at each other to begin the game changing plan. On Tony’s left hand he wore the infinity gauntlet built into his suit. All stones were filled into their respective spots except for the spot in the middle, it was empty and they needed to fill it. Tony closed his hand slowly, bracing himself for the onslaught of pain. The power stone began to glow and Thanos fell to his knees, Tony held down his body and forced him to drop his sword, the titan screamed with protest and it rhymed with Tony’s yelling. The pain was unbearable, it pulsed through his body, like nails piercing through his skin all over and his arm was burning, almost on fire. Through his yelling he told them to take out the mind stone. Thor took the sword and with his axe he cut the sword in half, it shattered into pieces. The mind stone was brought over to Tony and he placed it into the last place in the gauntlet. Thor looked at him eye to eye in reassurance, he put one hand on his shoulder and nodded. He processed to put his axe to Thanos head, ending it completely. Tony saw his life flash across his eyes as he snapped his fingers. Through hazy vision he saw figures reappearing in golden light and then he saw his suit on the left side disintegrate and his arm, it charred to a deep black, burning straight off. Blinding pain made his world go to dark._

Blinking, Tony was shaken out of his daze, he shifted his eyes from the stump of his left arm back toward the setting sun looming over the ocean’s horizon. Colors splattered across the sky, a beautiful violet, yellow and orange. In a stretch along the water, it held the sun and its reflection, the ocean lapped up in small waves, light shimmering across the top, it inched up the beach sand and then retreated just as quickly as it came. The sound of waves calmed Tony, his daughter studied them with awe. Peter’s eyes were locked to the dimming light of the sky, he was mesmerized by its unique set of colors and the stars that began to accompany it.

Tony’s breathing was deep and slow, realization ran through him as this was the calmest he was in over ten years, he had come far in his life. The first invasion of New York was unexpected, the second one he knew was coming and he prepared.

It wasn’t enough.

So they fought again, this time ending it all and once again giving life to those who it was stripped from. He had done so much as iron man, the other avengers had done so much in their roles as well. After the Infinity War, Tony set down the suit, the others decided to retire as well, but all the avengers agreed on one thing.

If they were ever so needed again, they would return guns a blazing to protect their earth and the ones they loved.

Tony again took a deep breath, out came a low whistling sound matching the breeze of the ocean.

A smile finally filtered its way onto his face.

He felt good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how it could end I guess. If Tony survives (please) he needs a child in his life. This is the end! Hope y’alls liked it. Constructive criticism is appreciated, comments kudos etc.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a preview of what is soon to come.


End file.
